


Senseless

by blipblorpsnork



Category: Yu-Gi-Oh! Duel Monsters (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Autistic Character, Friends to Rivals, Gen, Uncertain pining, autistic weevil underwood, does not compute, haga is very confused, hostile friendship, rivals are friends??, rivals to friends
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-09-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 19:20:53
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,633
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20493947
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/blipblorpsnork/pseuds/blipblorpsnork
Summary: Insector Haga did notlikepeople, thank you and good-bye. He was cunning and used people, perhaps even made them feel affectionate toward him. But he didnotlike people. And he liked least of all one Dinosaur Ryuzaki, rival-eternal and eternal-pain-in-the-ass. He was certain of it. Wasn't he?





	Senseless

The concept of Haga liking someone with even the slightest amount of familiarity outside of himself and occasionally his immediate family was absolutely and interminably absurd. He could be sociable of course. He knew all the ins and outs of manipulating people into believing he liked them, perhaps even cared for them, but it was a steadfast truth that he never did, never had, and most ascertainably never would. Not once had he found someone other than himself and his own reflection that he could tolerate beyond the superficial and enjoy the company of—and even that was pushing it some days. Not once had he looked at someone and had the distinct feeling of, _ah, yes, this is someone I enjoy being in the presence of._ Not once had he actively sought another person’s companionship or done much more than use them to his own gain, often cultivating a facetious affiliation with them and then dropping them on their proverbial ass as soon as he had met his goal or their well of usefulness had run dry.

Even when discussing his immediate family terms such as ‘like’ never quite came to mind, and why should they? He and his parents were cordial with one another; always polite, and always distant, as denizens of higher society ought to be. His father, a well-known molecular medical biologist and holder of several degrees and accolades, was always coldly and concisely urging Haga to be his best—to go above and beyond the ceilings of his peers, to break through them and always come out on top regardless of what his stepping stones were made of. If that lead to getting the soles of his shoes dirtied by the drywall and blood of those below him, so be it. That was just one more trial and tribulation given to them by the expectations their breed of money and intelligence brought along. His father held no affection for him, and neither he his father, and that was entirely satisfying because he had never held need for fatherly affections. The ‘like’ of it all simply was not there.

His mother was softer and because of that, far sharper. She always had a smile for him when he came home, either from his college classes or from another dueling tourney he had swept the floor of, and every smile she held had so many different dizzying meanings. Often it was a plaster-on-emptiness sort of smile; meant to be visual and nothing more. Something meant to show others that she was a soft and kindly woman capable of motherly affections, and never meant to truly console, congratulate, or relate. Those were her safest smiles, as they never expected anything from anyone. They were for show, as was her personality in many ways, and therefore they were impotent of any ill-doing or higher expectation. Hollow, uncaring, and easy. And in many a similar way, Haga could return this non-affection safely and easily, never venturing into the realms of ‘like’ and ‘care’ and never venturing too far from what was expected of him familially within their society.

The smiles he feared were never the ones for show. They brought about a sinking, hollowing pit in his stomach—that, too, was neither like nor love nor anything positive—and served only to cause him guilt and to redouble his efforts to maintain his status as a good son. They were often the ones that told him he had screwed things up beyond her wildest expectations; a failed grade, someone reporting that he’d been caught with the wrong crowd, usually the lower class or, goodness forbid the poor, such as his ‘friend’ Ryuzaki. The worst smiles were her genuinely sad smiles, ones only ever reserved for when she was upset or truly saddened by something and needed to save face to look her part as the ever-content and studious wife and mother. Those he only ever received after a nasty fight with his father—no love there, with the looming threat of blows that would leave no marks to mar his social standing—or when he lost a tourney dismally. Something that brought him and the family name shame directly. The latter hadn’t happened in a long time, and those smiles were his main reason for making sure it never would again. She’d worn a similar smile the day he’d come home beaten and used and defeated, soul having been ripped out and unceremoniously shoved back into the vessel of his body. A sad, unbefitting smile that had torn his heart in twain once more. He’d vowed never to make his mother wear such an expression again.

And so, family aside and cause both, he had closed off more fully and completely in order to be the perfect son—one who had no room for pleasant affiliations and happy-go-lucky friendships that served no purpose.

No, liking someone was an absolute absurdity. His upbringing simply would not allow it. His life would not allow it. His own personality and social nature would not allow it. The so-called friends he made in school were nothing but polished stones upon which he should step and climb in his journey to the top. Few had stood out for more than the moment in which his proverbial foot smashed into their nose, hoisting him further than they could hope to dream. Of those that had stood out in their own time, most had come to be petty rivals, or begrudging allies at most. Least of which was Ryuzaki, who at one time had been a true rival, and now was nothing more than an annoyance and a petty challenger to come along and test him again and again, never to truly succeed.

But even that wasn’t entirely true, much as he hated the fact and much as he wished it to be. Ryuzaki was still a challenging duelist in his own right. He and Haga had intense duels just as often as the truly casual ones and it was anyone’s guess as to who would prevail this time around when they did. They shared interests somehow, despite Ryuzaki’s distinct lack of wealth and status, and even shared personality traits that made them less desirable to anyone but themselves and therefore perhaps in some fucked up way one another.

They had a camaraderie going, one that had been many a time considered a friendship to outsiders who didn’t know any better. But that was ridiculous. Haga would never be friends with someone as simple-minded or bereft as Dinosaur Ryuzaki—what could he possibly gain from him? He of no social or monetary standing, wearing hand-me-down clothing from thrift stores and eating no-brand foods from the discount sections of discount stores—what could he possibly bring to Haga’s already-full table set for one, himself?

Nothing. It was only natural. He’d been brought up knowing this for a long time; someone lower than you can either be a stepping stone or be nothing at all. It was a simple concept really; one he’d even grasped as a child.

So why was it difficult to keep that mindset now? For so long he had considered Ryuzaki no more than a nuisance and perhaps sometimes a plaything with which he could practice his more cunning social and dueling strategies without fear of them being turned against him. They had met in the middle years of primary school and their strange rivalry-cum-feaux-camaraderie had continued through secondary school and beyond. And many times, it had dipped into outright hostile territories, something other people regarded with horror, hilarity, or both. It was often a source of discussion in secondary school as to whether the boys were getting along or fighting again during any given week. Fellow students mocked or cheered them on based on which side they had chosen. It was an odd sort of pseudo-friendship.

But Haga did not like people. This was ignorant to even think or contemplate or so much as suggest. It was senseless to imply. Haga simply did not have the capacity to do anything but use. He had dually and triply made certain of the fact.

Still, he went to Ryuzaki when he needed someone to talk to. But then, so didn’t people who needed shrinks and therapy. The only difference was that the shrink got paid for their services, so really it must just have been another masterful way in which Haga was using Ryuzaki to his own full extent. It was nothing like a friendship, nothing like the sorts of companionships people typically held in their youth and beyond. And if he ever listened to Ryuzaki or helped him with social problems or personal ones, it was only because he felt sorry for him and wanted to pay him a pittance for the services he was providing. It was an exchange of goods, not anywhere near possibly a friendship.

Haga did not like people. He did not, especially, like Ryuzaki. The man had been an eternal pain in his side ever since they’d met as children, and had done nothing but serve to fuel the fires of his own passion for both dueling and kicking others beneath him into the dirt. At times he provided entertainment, at others consolation, but it was never on friendly terms. He was quite certain and quite adamant about that when others mentioned he and Ryuzaki’s friendship, which did not exist. He made sure to tell anyone who prodded that and grind it into their ignoramus skulls.

Haga and Ryuzaki were not friends. They were rivals, and on occasion sources of… Something. But not companionship. And never compassion. Just something else unnamable and irrelevant. The final point was, and always would be, he did not like people.

So, why did insisting the point hurt?

**Author's Note:**

> Hello all and thanks so much for reading! Apparently I was feeling super verbose for this piece which was a really nice, cathartic feeling :D I've been reading a lot lately so I think that helped actually. I know I said I was going to start uploading once a week if I can, and I do still wanna work toward that! I'm just busy as hell lately and working on a bunch of things, and went through a dry spell for inspiration. And then this came along apparently? This was supposed to be a 10-sentence prompt and uhh This Happened xD
> 
> Anyways I'll keep it short! If you'd like to support me and help my autistic disabled self write more, pop by my Ko-Fi and leave me a tip! Making money through my writing will help offset costs for food which is a good thing, believe me xD Love y'all and see you next time!


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